(Hero) advice list
Oct. 7th, 2008 08:08 amOriginally posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
copperbadge.
1. No matter how much the bad guy taunts me, I will not go into his subconscious with him in an attempt to Heal Him.
2. I will not leave the youngest, most inexperienced member of my super elite hero force to guard the castle/headquarters/dangerous prisoner. I will leave the meanest sumbitch on the team, armed to the teeth.
3. I will not show my enemies mercy if they suddenly look Human again at the last minute.
4. If a member of my team forgets my name or suffers a sudden personality change, I am locking their ass up.
5. And I will not let the youngest, most impressionable member of the team, who worships the ground said personality-switched hero walks on, guard them.
6. The penalty for stealing the super duper cool sekrit heromobile, to go joyriding in, is death.
7. Fighting fair is for pansies. If the bad guy drops his sword, it sucks to be him.
8. I will not use close-range hand-to-hand outmoded methods of self-defence when a Glock could do the job.
9. After killing the villain but before turning to deliver a witticism or moral lesson, I will stop and check for said villain's pulse.
10. The cellblock where I am keeping archnemeses of my less-mentally-stable superhero team members will be strictly off-limits to said team members.
11. Reformed evildoers never are.
12. I will not keep the evil robot for study. I will disassemble him completely and melt down the components which make him Intelligent and Evil. The rest of him will be used to make toasters.
13. The computers which hold the personnel files and security codes will not be the computers which are connected to the internet.
14. Emotionally damaged street urchins are cute, mischevious, and prime candidates for orphanages where they will sing merry songs about their hellish lives. They are not appropriate sidekicks.
15. I will use my superhuman powers to discover the weaknesses of newspaper editors with vendettas against me and blackmail them into silence. Because I'm the good guy goddammit.
16. I will not allow the use of a giant fucking searchlight when the commissioner needs my attention. He has my mobile number.
17. If I have a superhero alter ego, I will not date investigative journalists.
18. I will fight crime in an outfit that conceals me from my enemies, rather than one which draws attention to the target that is my yellow-spandex-clad ass.
19. I will not set traps for the evildoer using myself or my loved ones as bait. This Does Not Work.
20. If there's no body, the bad guy is not dead. No. Really.
21. I will not sleep with people whom I suspect to be evil. If a spouse or other loved one turns out to be evil, I will not under any circumstances allow them to Explain Themselves. They are going in lockdown.
22. I will not snog anyone while in-costume.
23. Especially another superhero.
24. Especially one of questionable moral standards.
25. When I feel the need to drop a load of existential hero angst, I will do so to my cat, and not bore my date, manservant, sidekick, or enemy with it.
copperbadge.1. No matter how much the bad guy taunts me, I will not go into his subconscious with him in an attempt to Heal Him.
2. I will not leave the youngest, most inexperienced member of my super elite hero force to guard the castle/headquarters/dangerous prisoner. I will leave the meanest sumbitch on the team, armed to the teeth.
3. I will not show my enemies mercy if they suddenly look Human again at the last minute.
4. If a member of my team forgets my name or suffers a sudden personality change, I am locking their ass up.
5. And I will not let the youngest, most impressionable member of the team, who worships the ground said personality-switched hero walks on, guard them.
6. The penalty for stealing the super duper cool sekrit heromobile, to go joyriding in, is death.
7. Fighting fair is for pansies. If the bad guy drops his sword, it sucks to be him.
8. I will not use close-range hand-to-hand outmoded methods of self-defence when a Glock could do the job.
9. After killing the villain but before turning to deliver a witticism or moral lesson, I will stop and check for said villain's pulse.
10. The cellblock where I am keeping archnemeses of my less-mentally-stable superhero team members will be strictly off-limits to said team members.
11. Reformed evildoers never are.
12. I will not keep the evil robot for study. I will disassemble him completely and melt down the components which make him Intelligent and Evil. The rest of him will be used to make toasters.
13. The computers which hold the personnel files and security codes will not be the computers which are connected to the internet.
14. Emotionally damaged street urchins are cute, mischevious, and prime candidates for orphanages where they will sing merry songs about their hellish lives. They are not appropriate sidekicks.
15. I will use my superhuman powers to discover the weaknesses of newspaper editors with vendettas against me and blackmail them into silence. Because I'm the good guy goddammit.
16. I will not allow the use of a giant fucking searchlight when the commissioner needs my attention. He has my mobile number.
17. If I have a superhero alter ego, I will not date investigative journalists.
18. I will fight crime in an outfit that conceals me from my enemies, rather than one which draws attention to the target that is my yellow-spandex-clad ass.
19. I will not set traps for the evildoer using myself or my loved ones as bait. This Does Not Work.
20. If there's no body, the bad guy is not dead. No. Really.
21. I will not sleep with people whom I suspect to be evil. If a spouse or other loved one turns out to be evil, I will not under any circumstances allow them to Explain Themselves. They are going in lockdown.
22. I will not snog anyone while in-costume.
23. Especially another superhero.
24. Especially one of questionable moral standards.
25. When I feel the need to drop a load of existential hero angst, I will do so to my cat, and not bore my date, manservant, sidekick, or enemy with it.
